Increasing Felt Safety in the Classroom with Play
On the Saturday of Labor Day weekend, my family from Massachusetts joined me and my NH family for an afternoon of burgers and mini golf.
It was so much fun!
Mini golf is a great form of play because it entertains my 12 year old nephew and my 83 year old step father and every age in between. There was even a pair of 3-year-olds playing in front of us and in between rolling around on the course, they were putting a hole in 1!
Did you know that play is one of the most powerful ways to build and repair relationships? And on that Saturday afternoon, I was reminded of why it is true.
My stepfather and I had a falling out in the spring of 2021. Yes, it was related to COVID. And despite several attempts to talk it through, it’s never been resolved.
In the ensuing years, we haven’t spoken much—nothing more than a polite greeting or superficial pleasantry. It’s been a sad and painful loss for us both as he’s been a present part of my life since I was 10 years old.
But last Saturday, we had a chance to play together and I got a chance to remember the connection we once shared.
“You go first,” I remarked.
“No, no, I insist,“ he said, "you go ahead.” And he meant it.
We were cooperating with each other and taking turns.
We giggled as we tripped over hill features or skimmed our balls over the edge of the hole. And this is exactly what Dr. Stephen Porges, distinguished scientist and author of The Polyvagal Theory, describes as activating the realm of social engagement.
When our realm of social engagement is active, we can experience another person’s behavior as imparting a cue of safety—a brief meeting of the eyes, a shared smile or giggle, standing close to one another, a soft prosody of speech. All of these things are often shared during play.
These social exchanges are exactly the quality of experiences that increase felt safety in the classroom! Why? Because when play together, we increase the social features of safety. This is true in an elementary classroom and in a high school classroom.
Our children and teens are craving opportunities for play in their school day. This is commonly the reason they tell us that school is , “so boring,” because its devoid of the active, relevant experiences their bodies and brains require to satisfy their developmental needs.
Moreover, you benefit from brief chances to play with them and your colleagues.
So put down your curriculum and pick up a copy of The Regulated Classroom guidebook. In the section on CONNECTORS, you’ll find more than 30+ ways to play in the classroom that require only 30, 60, 90 seconds of your time.
I promise, playing more regularly will change you and your students —you’ll be stunned what you can accomplish when you play more during your school day.